my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Did we literally take a cab across the street
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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