I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
