so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize