I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
