it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
