Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
