Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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