i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
