we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
