we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
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definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
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I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
did i just pee glitter
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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