Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
