We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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