they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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