"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
