dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just cut my nipple shaving
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
