last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
