He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
