I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
