If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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