idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
