First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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