It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.