can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.