There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves