areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK