like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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