I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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