He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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