I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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