You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
