My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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