Whod you bang
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
