it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
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Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
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Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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