god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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