Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
