He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
