HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
