so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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