He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
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