i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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