I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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