Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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