i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
