i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
