it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
