Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
