Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
