And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
