Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
