I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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