as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize