I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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