Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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