We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
