Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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