I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
