I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
