Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
