Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
